And you, I. Arms pouring out through fingers tight, tight, mine, yours, tight and pouring out
terror there it goes. A heavy day. Heavy night, heavy in your hands punching through the heavy air,
your hands heavy on the table, in the walls, your heavy hands squeezing—no, mine. Mine, and you.
Stretch. Sigh. Heavy silence pouring up, emptying filling up with something else. Filling I’m.
Sorry. Again again again again you.
Underneath, white fingers stretching over white bicep, white tricep, stretching into pink half
moons, underneath you open. Don’t. I. My hands in. Your chest spilling all over. Eyes on the floor,
the walls, and we might be drowning I say and we can swim you say and it’s not true we don’t say.
How do you learn to swim? I have already tried the deep end, the ocean, my heart. And yours.
The clouds spill into the bedroom. It rains on the bed. We are not drowning you say and
the thunder rolls one mississippi two mississip after every ghost in the room shied from the
lightning I saw them you didn’t. See the way they tried to hide. Thought they were hidden. Again I.
I say it hurts you say. Rooms break apart in the rain. When we are alone the ghosts crawl
into my mouth and sleep through the storm. You watch the lightning they watch. You. Grow scar
tissue faster. Underneath, white fingers stretch, you scar faster, underneath. Faster, again again again
I. I am. Alone with ghosts okay I say good I say squeeze. Legs pouring out through fists,
fingers, pouring out loathing swallow. Make room. You say it hurts I say. You say again I say.
Underneath spills out are we drowning you say no. You say swim I say fix the fucking leak you say don’t leave the shore I say stop bringing the ocean you say.
I, you. There it goes.
Nic Brewer is a white queer editor, writer, and publisher. She was one half of the words(on)pages team, where she published small-run chapbooks and the literary magazine (parenthetical). More recently, she co-founded the online literary journal Frond, which published prose and prose poetry by LGBTQI2SA writers. Her fiction has been published in Canthius, the Hart House Review, Hypertrophic Literary, and elsewhere, and her debut novel Suture is forthcoming from Book*Hug in 2021.
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